Dealing with Teenage Dilemma
“A guide for understanding the journey from childhood to adulthood”
Most of our parents lives' revolve around us, which happens to be the reason for their obsession with our lives. And why not, they have accomplished whatever they had to and what they could not, they expect us to.
Sometimes their obsession seems like domination which becomes a strain in their parent-child relationship.
While this article won't give you any direct solutions or voodoo magic spells, it will help you understand your child and sometimes understanding is the solution.
Adolescence a.k.a. teenage is a transactional period in a person's life (between the age of 11 to 19 years) in which they go through many physiological, emotional, and hormonal changes. As kids, children are protected by their parents, teachers, and elders from the outside world but as they move towards adolescence they start to see the world from their perspective for the first time. It is such a tender stage in which they have to make decisions that affect their future to a great degree and this pressure is sometimes too much to handle. This is the reason why adolescents especially today are often confused and agitated and their parents sometimes feel helpless to connect with them.
Here are some not so secret problems that adolescents face today which makes them kind of grumpy, these problems will help you to understand the world from a teenager's perspective.
Social media hangover -
Obvious facts - The world has changed in the last 2 decades and so has our ways to reach out and teens spend an average of nine hours online which is enough to give anyone tons of anxiety. It's like sweet poison, it's entertaining and eye-pleasing but at the end of the day, they often get tangled in self-esteem issues because everybody online "appears" to be doing great in life. Adolescents can't help but question themselves and their decisions which increases their anxiety levels and their inability to focus on their goals. The world in social media is fake, it's glamorous and shiny on the outside but inside it's just dark and hollow still, it can make one feel small and weak where teenagers don't even realize what is happening to them and why they feel so unsatisfied with themselves.
Before 25 deadline-
There's a sword that hangs on every struggling teenager's neck which says that if they don't become a millionaire, win a world beauty pageant, have a perfect body, and have tons of friends before they turn 25 then they have accomplished nothing because why not, Kylie Jenner has done it, their batchmates are working towards it and doing a better job then them. It's a harsh way to put it, but hellooo, this is exactly how it feels. It's scary. So scary that sometimes teenagers might give up on themselves even before trying, for no one has ever told them that being happy is successful, not the other way round.
During adolescence, youngsters are driven by ambition; they want to make their identity, prove themselves and accomplish their goals. These impossible expectations can be forced by social media or sometimes even by parents without even realizing it. Many at times teenagers are crushed by these expectations.
Why Friends over family?-
Does every parent wonder why friends become such an important deal during adolescence? Many at times, adolescents share their feelings with their friends not just because they're of the same age but because with friends they always have some space, some control over their relationship. With family things get complicated. Prejudice says that children are "supposed" to be close to their parents and siblings which adolescents may find difficult at times just because they need some breathing space. So they push their family away. Not because they don't like to spend time with their families but simply because they want some sense of Independence which by the way sometimes win them labels like rebellious and disrespecting brats from their very own family.
Constant guilt trips
As teenagers, guilt seems to become kind of a younger sibling, because guilt is seriously annoying and hard to hide from. ( panic laughing in the background) During adolescence teens' moral compass goes haywire and they are constantly struggling to choose between what's right and what's wrong. It's very easy for them to go through a guilt trip. It can be about not doing well enough in exams or not helping their friends. Even a little act of selfishness makes them question their morale. And the worst kind of guilt trip is when parents constantly remind their kids how much they have sacrificed to raise them and how ungrateful their kids are towards them. Adolescents often suffer from self-esteem issues and statements like these from their parents make this struggle harder.
As adolescents leave their childhood behind and step towards the adult-world they always come across people who are prettier, smarter, or richer than them. Here the fire of comparison starts. Constant comparison leaves one mentally exhausted. In addition to that parents compare their kids to themselves where they don't even realize how much the world has changed in the last few decades.
For your information - FYI!- Teens look for acceptance and appreciation during this period and when they get a 24-hour comparison from their parents they turn (guess what?!) bitter. They move to social media in the hope of finding some appreciation but the digital world is a cruel place and it can make them feel even worse.
I hope all these problems might help you understand what it is like to be a teenager.
For parents who are struggling to connect with their children - give them little time and some appreciation and things will work out.
And if you are a teenager who has made it to the end of this article and if you have said 'ikr' and 'same bro' like a hundred times after every second line then here's a small 'motivation quote' that I say to myself when I am trying to solve my 'growing-up-always-confused-get-rid-off-pimple' problems. After every time I have a fight with my parents and think that this is not how it should be, I tell myself that- "maybe it's not good today but it will definitely be better tomorrow". Cause for anyone who has been through adolescence is a hero.
By - Vaidehi chapparwal.